Just the same

A couple of weeks ago I woke up all headachey and didn’t think much of it until the next day when I started feeling really ill. I had joint pains fever, headaches and shivers. A nasty rash followed and for two weeks I could barely walk. It could have been a number of things, but it seemed most like a very bad case of Rubella. So, I stayed home (not that I wanted to go anywhere LOL) took mild painkillers and I’m slowly but surely on the mend. It does not look like either Dirk or the kids caught it. If it was Rubella, this would have been the third time I’ve had it. So, a warning to pregnant women: Even if you think you are immune to it, rather keep away from anybody with Rubella. You can get it more than once. I’ve had vaccines against it as a child and again as an adult. Vaccines are not effective in protecting you.

The whole episode forced me to re-look at the way we eat, my poor sleeping patterns and the amounts of caffeine I ingest daily. I’m happy to report that those things have been taken in hand.

I seem to have more energy than before and have finally dealt with a couple of problems that I’ve been trying to ignore. Like our poor old Spaniel’s ears. He’s had an ear infection since before we left Pietermaritzburg and although I’ve taken him to the vet who prescribed antibiotic, cortisone and a number of creams and ointments, we just could not get the ears completely cleared. After forcing myself to spend a few minutes a day consistently cleaning the ears and putting ointment on them and carrying on after the ears seemed to have cleared, I think we’re on the road to success. I’m now adamant that even if it takes me doing the ear routine every day for the rest of his life, I will do it.

Sometimes ignoring a problem makes the problem eventually sort itself out. But mostly, sadly, things don’t work out this way.

We’ve started taking Marco to a child psychologist after we realized that he had difficulty dealing with some aspects of Loren’s death. This past week he touched on the subject and I could hear that he finally “got” that there was nothing he could have done to save Loren. Also that he cannot bring Loren back. He knows that he need not fear that Magnus will die as Loren had particular health problems. I’m sad that my child has had to work through something as profound as this. But I’m glad that he was able to.

We’ve been in Estcourt for almost a year and I do think that we did the right thing for our family in moving here. It hasn’t been an easy year, but things have fallen into place remarkably well. Marco is currently refusing to go to pre-school. But everybody is fine with that. I’m looking at homeschooling, but there’s no real sense of panic or urgency. I’m enjoying the kids.

With the anniversary of Loren’s death day approaching, we are all feeling more emotional than usual. The 26th will be a Sunday and I’m not sure how we will spend it. I cannot believe it has been two years. Magnus is 21 months old – the same age Marco was when Loren was born. Somehow, Marco seems more mature in my memories of those days, but when I look at Magnus I realize he was not much more than a baby. He was better at expressing himself, though and I now see what a blessing that was.

Mostly, we know how fortunate we are. Other days, we struggle just to get through the day. This makes us not much different from anybody who reads here.

For a moment I’ve felt a glimpse of other lives. Lives that have touched ours in common experiences and in sharing the same feelings. I feel blessed.