Nathan

Nathan died today. Please keep Carina and her family in your thoughts and prayers.

New links

I’ve added two new links.

The first is the glorious Kate from Sweet/Salty. Her blog deals with parenthood and infant loss, among others. Besides the fact that I’ve always loved the name Kate or any other derivative from Catherine, I just love the way Kate has with words.

The second link is very close to my heart. Another South African, Carina, mother of Nathan who is almost three years old, chronicles life with a child with Cerebral Palsy and disability. Carina writes clearly and intelligently about issues that will always be of interest to me. Right now the family is going through a tough time. Please keep them in your prayers.

Reading through Carina’s blog I realized that having the luxury to worry about mundane things is what a lot of parents with children with health issues would like more than anything else in the world.

School

Marco has started preschool this week. We have been under pressure from family and friends to send him for a while now. For reasons that ranged from social stimulation to intellectual needs. All very good reasons and ones that made me feel very guilty that for one reason or another we just haven’t sent him. Besides, at the back of my mind tiny doubts remained whether this would really in his best interest. When he started asking to go to school, I relented. We had a choice of two and chose the Estcourt Christian Academy. It seems well-managed and the staff are friendly.

He was very exited and clutched his rucksack and new lunch box everywhere he went for three days before the start of school. He was a bit unsure about being left alone at school and said so, but we reassured him as best we could. On Monday, it was with great trepidation we left him with the sweet and kind preschool teacher. She settled him quickly with some puzzles and we left. Fetching him on Monday afternoon he seemed upset and a whole jumbled story came out about throwing sand and being reprimanded and how he was certainly not going back to school. And this set the tone for every day so far. We are sympathetic, but firm. We know he’s no angel and he’s got to learn to treat others as he would like to be treated. The school is very structured and it is something he’s not used to. Besides, he asked to go to preschool and he should give it at least a month or two before deciding.

Yes, I am going to give him a choice. I’m not hung up about him going to school. If it really doesn’t suit him, he need not go. Homeschooling is always an option, but it would mean restructuring the way we do things somewhat. Maybe he’ll want to go to school later. Maybe never? Who knows?

I hated school for the full 12 years I went. I now know that the routine, the uniform wearing, in fact, the whole setup just didn’t suit my personality.
I don’t operate well within a pack. I’m not a team player at heart though I can adjust when I need to. I’m fairly self-motivated and I did well at both school and university. But I much preferred the freedom of university. I think except for the fact that Marco is far more social than I am, he takes after me in many respects. There are ways to satisfy his social needs without having to go to school.

The whole issue of expectations came to the fore again.

I had to ask myself why I want my children to be well-behaved, clever, clean, sweet-tempered kids. To make me proud, that’s why. The worst reason in the world. It means I’m trying to live my life through my children. Why am I even listening to other people when I know my child better than they do?

Sure, I want my children to be positive human beings. I want them to add to the world, not subtract from it. I want them to not harm.

But my job is ultimately to show them love. Love does entail boundaries and repercussions for actions. But love is forgiving. Love means being proud of them for simply being.

Marco can be kind and sweet, but he is like a little lion. He is fierce and determined and fiery. Those are incredible qualities to have.

I come from a family and Dirk comes from a family that set a high price on academic achievement. I think the single most difficult thing for both families has been accepting that Loren might be intellectually disabled. This has taught me a valuable lesson and made me question the values I’ve grown up with.

Why should Marco read at age four? Why should he be socially mature beyond his years?
Will it make him happy or make the world a better place?

So, I guess this is where I sit back and just let things be. Not an easy thing for me to do.

A first birthday

Grandma made an ingenious clown cake with cupcakes in its tummy and all sorts of goodies stuck to its body. The reaction was something to behold and soon everybody was tucking in. The birthday gift was a little wooden wagon that won’t tip when someone special tries to learn to walk by holding on to it. And it is good for riding on too. Brother Marco gets to do the pushing and when he stops, Master Magnus wiggles his bum impatiently to indicate that he’d better get going or else…

On Magnus’ birthday we discovered the spectacular Weenen Game Reserve nearby and I thought it would be a good idea to share some photos with you. This is more or less what our new neighbourhood looks like in terms of scenery.

I must admit that the rhinos made our hearts beat a little faster as it looked like they were going to charge at the vehicle. But then they crossed the road and turned back to peer suspiciously at us. I realized how bad their eyesight is, but clearly they heard and smelled us very well. Ohhh!