It is 2:20 South African time.
Loren died earlier this evening.
We are not sure exactly when. He was fast asleep and we were packing to go to the Drakensberg for the long week-end. We went to check on him a few times, but he seemed peaceful. About half an hour before we were due to leave, our housesitters arrived and went to say hi. He still opened his eyes and seemed to fall asleep again. When we went to pick him up for the trip, he was dead. I don’t know what happened. He wasn’t sick except for a slight sinus infection. My guess is that the recent beating his little body took from the pain of the ulcer, was too much and that he died from something similar to a cot death.
We phoned the ambulance, but we knew that it was too late. They confirmed this. Friends came to assist us and we could spend some time with his body. The undertakers arrived and I’ll always be grateful to the woman who wrapped him in a blanket and held him on her lap for the trip rather than putting him in the back of the van.
I don’t know what to say and I don’t know how we are going to get through this. But I guess we’ll have to.
We are contemplating still going away for a few days. Staying won’t bring him back. And I’m not sure if I can face the visitors or the phones right now.
Marco said that Loren is healthy now. I know that he is right.
We fought so hard. And we have lost the fight. But I have no doubt that he is with Jesus in heaven and that he is finally fully comfortable and happy. He will never need to be suctioned again. He will never have pain again. He will be able to speak and run and eat and laugh. But, selfishly as always, I just want him back.
51 responses so far ↓
Jodi // April 27, 2007 at 1:47 am |
I’m so sorry. Words cannot express the compassion I feel for you and what you’re going through. I will say a prayer for you.
Krista // April 27, 2007 at 2:10 am |
My condolences on your loss. You and your family will be in our prayers.
Mel // April 27, 2007 at 2:55 am |
I am at a loss for words:( My heart goes out to you and your family. I too have a testimony of life after death. I know that Loren is in a glorious place and that he can run and jump and play. Knowing this does bring comfort and peace. However, Loren will be greatly missed. My prayers are with you.
Corinne // April 27, 2007 at 2:56 am |
I can’t begin to imagine what you are going through, and know that I can’t begin to express the sorrow I feel. Even though I’ve never met you or your son, through your stories he has touched my life. I’ll pray for you and your family.
Jacqui's Mum in Aus // April 27, 2007 at 3:35 am |
Oh no – my heart feels so broken for you. I have been following your journey through the link to Jacqui’s blog and have constantly been amazed at your sensitive, caring and thoughtful writing. May you somehow find peace in knowing of the love you shared with and showered on your baby boy and may he now rest in the arms of angels.
terriblepalsy // April 27, 2007 at 3:42 am |
I don’t know what to say. I am so very sorry.
K (Jacqui's sister in Aus) // April 27, 2007 at 9:07 am |
I’m so very sorry for you. I’ve been following your journey too and your writing has touched me so much. My thoughts are with you.
Jenny // April 27, 2007 at 9:34 am |
I’m so very sorry for your loss.
Emma // April 27, 2007 at 11:17 am |
Nelba,
I am so sorry for you’re loss. Thank you for sharing your journey and helping me with mine through your writing. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
Emma
Kelly // April 27, 2007 at 12:35 pm |
My deepest condolences to you and your family.
Melanie Spranger // April 27, 2007 at 1:03 pm |
You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.
Tori :) // April 27, 2007 at 1:40 pm |
Bless your heart. When my little sister died I remember saying that my heart literally hurt. I can’t even imagine the pain as a parent. God be with you. My prayers and thoughts are.
Kathryn // April 27, 2007 at 2:03 pm |
Nelba,
My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for your loss.
Gala // April 27, 2007 at 3:34 pm |
Dear Nelba,
Tears are running down my face.
I cannot even imagine feelings and pain you’re going through.
I hope Loren is in a place now where he’s happy and healthy.
I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.
Hugs and love,
Gala
Val // April 27, 2007 at 3:38 pm |
I am so sorry for your loss and heart ache at this time. Know people you don’t even know are praying for you and your family.
Christy // April 27, 2007 at 4:35 pm |
I sit here in Alaska, across the world from you and your family, with tears and prayers and a loss of words. Nelba, you have touched me with your words countless times and i wish there was something i could write to ease the pain but all i can say is Loren is loved. So so loved.
Angela // April 27, 2007 at 4:39 pm |
Nelba, I am so sorry. These words seem too little. I know we’re half a world away but please feel my hugs today. Loren is an Angel. He was on earth and he will continue to be.
Heesun // April 27, 2007 at 11:43 pm |
Hello. I stumbled upon your site today while on another one. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and to your family.
Wishing you peace.
Heesun
Penny // April 28, 2007 at 2:15 am |
Very, very sorry for your loss. May you find all the comfort and peace you need in the next days and weeks, and months and years too.
Lisa - mum to Mitch & Harry ex 24.6 weekers now 2 1/2 years old // April 28, 2007 at 8:10 am |
I am so sorry – I have followed your story for a while now and I was always so touched at your honesty and obvious love for your family. Like you I have no doubt your beautiful boy is in heaven and is finally able to run, jump and play with all the other little angels.,
With much love,
Lisa
mum to Mitch & Harry
Susan, Mum to Molly // April 28, 2007 at 11:41 am |
Dear Nelba
Please know that there are people all over the world who are thinking of you and are grieving with you.
We will be thinking of you and your family in the coming days and weeks.
You are not alone.
Susan in Australia
Liz (Poppy's mum) in Aus // April 28, 2007 at 2:13 pm |
Nelba, I am so sorry for your loss. We are thinking of you and your family. We wish you strength.
paula // April 28, 2007 at 3:27 pm |
Nelba,
I am so sorry for this sudden moment of sorrow. But I will pray for you a peace and a comfort that only comes from our Father in heaven. I believe that there is a place in heaven, prepared and waiting for each one of us. Loren has taken his place.
Paula
Katy // April 28, 2007 at 3:47 pm |
I am so, so sorry for your loss.
May you find peace.
Laura // April 28, 2007 at 9:11 pm |
I’m so sorry. He was making progress and doing so well despite all his difficulties. I knew he was a smart little guy who had a lot of potential. I am glad he is pain free and able to run and play in heaven but I think he left too soon.
Laura // April 28, 2007 at 9:17 pm |
A LOVED ONE’S MESSAGE
Go on and finish
I am at the end of your journey
Think about me
But smile when you do
I am not gone
Just absent from this dimension.
I still exist
I now know only what is good
Where I am
I can still feel
The warmth of the sun
I can still feel the grass under my feet
I can still see you
And your love
But you can’t still see me
But you can still feel my love
Love is one sense that is interdimensional
Even when all other five senses can’t open the door
Love is the sixth and it can open any door
But maybe it’s best to forget that I’m gone
When comparing the short time we spend on earth
To eternal living where I am
It won’t be long before we’re together again.
Remember this and you won’t be sad.
Go ahead and explore the world
Live a wonderful life.
I am right there ahead of you
Waiting for you when you finish
Laura Gilmour, May 1998
Natalie // April 29, 2007 at 12:35 am |
Nelba,
Christy, in Alaska, shared your sorrow-filled news with us via her blog. I had to come by to let you know that I am praying for you in Macon, GA, USA. I am going to spend some time reading your story. I am at a loss for words…prayer fills my heart. I am praying that your memories bring you comfort and the courage to face the next few days, weeks, months…your time on Earth until you are with your son again.
Love,
Natalie
Sarah // April 29, 2007 at 1:40 am |
I don’t know you and I just came across your blog today. I can’t really offer much except that I will pray that God will give you the comfort and peace that only He can give. I am so so so sorry for your pain.
Shannon // April 29, 2007 at 2:49 am |
I am so sorry to read this. I can’t believe that after all you guys have been through this had to happen. My thoughts are with you all.
Jacqui's Mum in Aus // April 29, 2007 at 4:45 am |
To Nelba and family,
This is the wording to a beautiful song sung by Celine Dion. May you find some peace in them.
FLY
Fly, fly little wing
Fly beyond imagining
The softest cloud, the whitest dove,
Upon the wind of Heaven’s love
Past the planets and the stars
Leave this lonely world of ours
Escape the sorrow and the pain
And fly again.
Fly, fly precious one
Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness
Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore
There is peace forevermore
But hold this memory bittersweet
Until we meet.
Fly, fly do not fear
Don’t waste a breathe, don’t shed a tear
Your heart is pure, your soul is free
Be on your way, don’t wait for me
Above the universe you’ll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise, the sun will set
But I won’t forget.
Fly, fly little wing
Fly where only angels sing
Fly away, the time is right
Go now, find the light.
Fiona Mummy to Airlie // April 29, 2007 at 2:59 pm |
Dear Nebal,
I just came across your blog today. It’s quite strange as I am not even sure how I go here?
Words are going to mean little but I at least wanted you to know that I was thinking of you and your family.
I am sorry that Loren is not by yourside but his spirt will always be with you.
Loren from what I have read so far your filled with spirt with a beautiful Mummy and Daddy. Where ever you are I hope your dancing free.
xox
Funky Mango // April 29, 2007 at 4:13 pm |
Thinking of you and your family. Loren is still with you, and always will be – but as you say, he’s now out of pain.
xx
jess // April 30, 2007 at 1:27 am |
You are all in my thoughts and prayers. . .
txmommy // April 30, 2007 at 2:16 am |
I’ve only lurked here but I wanted to say how sorry I am. He was a beautiful boy and I know you will miss him so much.
I hope you will find peace knowing he is with his Father in Heaven.
You will be in my prayers.
Angie // April 30, 2007 at 3:57 am |
Peace and blessings to you and yours…
L // April 30, 2007 at 4:19 am |
I’m so sorry for your loss. I wish I could surround you with a circle of protection from all the well-intentioned but hurtful things Bumblers may say to you in the days and weeks to come. Bumblers come out of the woodwork in times of sorrow, and you already have more than your fair share around you…
Karen // April 30, 2007 at 4:25 am |
Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.
LISA // April 30, 2007 at 5:27 am |
I AM SO SO SORRY FOR THE LOSS OF LOREN. WORDS JUST DONT SEEM ADEQUATE AT THIS TIME. YOU WILL BE IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS
Robbin // April 30, 2007 at 5:01 pm |
As the mother of a young son – words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss.
chris K // April 30, 2007 at 9:53 pm |
I am a stranger to you and your family, but sometimes the kindness of strangers is welcome and makes good sense. I am a mom, like you, who is turned inside out when a child leaves. I am your sister in the sisterhood of motherly grief, Nelba. I will say his beautiful name, Loren, over and over in my mind and heart to pay him tribute. Thank you for being such a good mom to Loren, for all the protection, the worrying, interrupted sleep, patience with feeding, therapies . . . The same to Marco.
May your tears be a cleansing. And, somehow, it is or will be a blessing to you and Loren.
Chris and Vic
jennifergg // April 30, 2007 at 9:55 pm |
In his short life, Loren was loved. I know it doesn’t seem like enough, but in the end, it’s all we have. Our love for each other, which we share.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you peace.
(Please email any time if there is anything you need.)
Phil R // May 1, 2007 at 12:28 pm |
Some of us come here to live full lives. Others of us come to help. And others, we come for the lesson of learning to just be human, and push very, very hard just to stay alive. But then, we all get to go home after, where God awaits, and we are loved, and can relax and enjoy that despite how we lived out the lesson, afterwards we go home to love, warmth and freedom. Your little one is now in love and joy now.
Hope this helps.
PMR
Michelle // May 1, 2007 at 4:34 pm |
This is my first visit to your blog, I came via a post from Jennifer at Pinwheels. I don’t know your history, or Loren’s, but I was deeply saddened to read of the loss of your son. I wanted to offer my deepest sympathies, condolences, and let you know your family is in my prayers.
Jen // May 1, 2007 at 4:36 pm |
I am so sorry.
Heather // May 1, 2007 at 4:52 pm |
I am so very sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.
Irene // May 1, 2007 at 6:52 pm |
I don’t know what to say. “I’m so sorry” doesn’t even seem appropriate here, but really, I don’t know what else to say. thank you for sharing this for it makes me see my life with new eyes and embrace it the fullest. I pray for you and for your family.
Kelly // May 2, 2007 at 2:53 pm |
Nelba, I learned of your great loss today through Pinwheels. Just reading the news there made my heart sink. I can’t imagine your deep hurt. I truly believe that Loren is surrounded by a joy we cannot imagine.
God bless you.
moreena // May 3, 2007 at 4:34 pm |
I’m so very sorry.
Chantel // May 3, 2007 at 4:57 pm |
Nelba,
I have only just had the privalege to read your blog. I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are so beautiful….my prayers are with you.
Val // May 10, 2007 at 6:31 am |
Halfway around the world, I send you love and prayers for your family and for Loren. Thank you for sharing your blog and your tributes to your son. May your grief be comforted by those who care and who love you. I hope the aching eases with memories and with time. I am so sorry.
Oranje « Windpompe & Vygies // March 7, 2008 at 10:33 am |
[...] Met Loren se dood, skryf sy die volgende: Today I turned off the computer and did not answer the phone. Instead I spent hours in my own version of church, the one that involves digging dirt until your muscles ache, biking till your legs burn. I did not plan to spent the day this way but part way through my morning I read this. [...]