Trust

Truth is, I’ve always felt pressurized by the concept of faith. I felt that I fell short of the ideal and that somehow fulfilling this ideal, would change my life forever. I’ve never felt more like this since Loren was born.

Faith in relation to the healing of a special or a sick child becomes riddled with all sorts of emotions – most of all feelings of guilt and inadequacy.

This past week I received a comment on my Afrikaans blog which pointed out the difference between faith and trust and hope. And for the first time in my life, things clicked. I realized that God has never asked faith from me. He HAS asked me to trust him in this – no matter what the outcome.

A while back I wrote a post about the South African film, Faith like potatoes. This past week-end, Dirk had the opportunity to attend a men’s conference on the Buchan’s farm Shalom. And to say that this was a life-changing experience for him is to put it mildly. The Mighty Men conference was born after Angus Buchan found himself completely burnt out by the demands of his evangelism crusades. So, he decided to empower other men to go back to their communities and do the work. That first year, only 14 men attended – and 5 of them were staff members from Shalom Ministries. But last year, 1000 men came and they resolved to return this year and bring 4 000 others with them. So, Shalom ministries prepared in good faith for the arrival of 5000 men. In the end 7000 turned up.

Angus says that when the thousands of cars started arriving on Friday, he said: “I don’t believe this!” And in his heart he could hear God answering: “Oh yeah…. And I thought you were a believer?”

To Angus, faith is simply trusting the Lord for everything. The kind of faith that he displays comes as natural as breathing to most of us. He does not ask money from anyone. In fact, the whole conference – food included – was free of charge. Yet God always provides.

Dirk wanted all of us to attend the last day of the conference – consisting of a church service – with him. I could see that it was important to him. When I didn’t have a good night with Loren and we overslept – leaving us with half an hour to prepare before leaving on Sunday morning, I contemplated asking if the kids and I could rather stay at home. On top of everything, they were both cranky – Loren battled with a stuffed nose and was arching and Marco refused to get out of bed and dressed.

But then resolve took over. I prayed: “God if you want us to go, please make a way for us.” And in record time, we had packed the car with Loren’s equipment, snacks and food and drinks for the kids, extra clothes and had we dressed the two boys and ourselves. WE fed the kids and the animals and we even managed a hurried breakfast for ourselves. At 8:00 we were in the car, ready to go. About the unmade beds and the kitchen that we left in shambles, we decided to worry later. We only had half an hour for an hour’s drive, but we bargained on them singing before the service started, buying us some time..

Everything worked out beautifully. We arrived two songs before the end of the introductory singing, we found a parking spot right next to the tent as arranged with them beforehand so that we could get electricity for Loren’s equipment from the tent. When Marco protested at the noise levels – we were right next to the speakers – and Loren also made big eyes, we stayed in and around the car and could still hear perfectly well.

Friends’ two little girls came to play with Marco and kept him reasonably happy and entertained.

Picture a huge white tent on a field of emerald green, a sea of cars and 7000 men and their families. Cowboys don’t cry was banished forever as tears – and the anger and hurt they held in – poured from male cheeks. Relationships were healed. Fathers and sons and brothers were reunited. Many miracles occurred.

Afterwards some baptisms were taking place. As we had parked right next to the small pool they used as a baptism pool, we were hemmed in by people and could not leave.

This turned out to be one of the more difficult outings we have had with Loren. He was uncomfortable and arching and the car did not have enough space to get him in a more comfortable position. Add to that his brother and the two little girls insisting on helping by turning on the suctioning pump and by tumbling over us, and I was getting tired very quickly. I thought to myself that I wished someone could pray for him, but it was unlikely as the only item left was the baptisms. So, once again I asked: “God if you want this to happen, please make a way.”

Then a young man opened the front door and got in with us: “Hi, I’m Neil, he said. Can I pray for your son?” I nodded – too astounded to respond. He prayed, smiled and left. I have no idea how he knew I needed a prayer.

We watched the baptism. My friend, Marlene, was watching intently and seemed very emotional. Then suddenly, she got up and walked to the pool to be baptized. Her husband got into the pool with her and held her. It was a very emotional experience.

Dirk and Jannie – Marlene’s husband – decided to sing the Lord’s prayer. A gap in the crowd opened and Angus Buchan looked straight at me where I stood with Loren in my arms. He responded immediately to the silent plea in my eyes.
“Do you want me to pray for him?” he asked.
“Please” I answered.

So he came over to us, put his arms around us and prayed a simple prayer.

He asked for more faith and strength for us and he asked for complete healing for Loren. He glanced at the suctioning equipment. “Only one more season of that left” he said. And carried on with the other things he had to do. I could not believe how easily my heartfelt wish was fulfilled.

The rest of the afternoon we spent at Wartburg – one of the many German towns founded by German evangelists during the 1800s. We had a buffet lunch at the Wartburger Hof. Loren had fallen asleep and the older children were running around on the huge lawn and playing. Marco enjoyed this enormously. Marlene and Jannie’s clothes dried quickly in the hot sun and the day that started out so difficult, turned into a miracle in the end.