This is a new address, a new face and, hopefully, a new attitude.
Last year this time, L had just come home from hospital. We were still trying to heal the bruises of the whole hospital experience and getting to know our new baby with his somewhat different needs. We didn’t sleep much, things between me and D were bad and M caught onto the uncertainty and tiredness of his parents with a vengeance. He had a new brother to get used to and he was just entering the terrible twos. Although highly relieved to have L home, I felt myself wondering what things would be like the same time this year. Almost wishing it was December 2006, already.
What is the status quo, may you ask.
L has proven that he is far tougher than we thought he’d be. He has also proven that he may have difficulties converting information into action and communicating his needs, but that not much escapes his attention. Summer has brought better health. We found a new therapy that has already brought us great results. L sleeps far better and being more rested has done a lot to improve my outlook on life.
D’s relationship with our older son M has improved and they are a lot closer. D and I are in a far better place, relationship wise. M has accepted his brother and loves him with his whole heart. They even “play” simple games. M is as headstrong as ever, but seems secure and ready to become more social. We have been talking about sending him to a playschool once a week once he turns three in February.
In short, we are as happy as a busy family leading a relatively stressful life can be.
There are times when I look at L and when my heart twists inside of me with the enormity of what has happened and what the future may hold. But I soon get a hold on myself. Thoughts and feelings like this are not going to help anybody. The fact that this is how things are at the moment does not mean I am accepting them without at least trying to change things for the better. And L has proven that there is improvement possible. It is all just a matter of time.
We are embarking on a home improvement project to our sorely neglected house. The wall to wall carpets are shot with age. We weighed our options and decided on replacing them with solid Saligna wooden flooring. It is an expensive exercise, but the alternative is more carpet which will just end up with the same problems or tiles which may prove to be too cold and hard for developing little bodies.
We are painting four rooms – although the whole house needs new paint. Both D and I love strong colours and we used unusual colours to emphasise the unique character of our home the last time we painted it – five years ago. But I find that I’m lately more drawn to easy, natural colours reflecting nature around us. We have used a bone brown colour for the main bathroom and guest toilet as well as the kitchen and breakfast nook. The colour is incredibly versatile and looks completely different depending on the amount of light or the texture of the wall.
Yes. Other things have taken the place of the nagging uncertainty and sometimes raw grief of a year ago. There are some of the same and different worries. But we are not overwhelmed any more. And we are together. If this year achieved nothing else, it taught us that as long as we are together, everything is okay.
